


Is this what it feels like to be "Alive" and Other Questions to ask when Falling in Love

by itwilleatyourbabies



Series: Questions [1]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Completed, F/F, it's really cliche, milk and honey based, sorta- angst, sorta-fluff, sorta-hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 23:21:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10841586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itwilleatyourbabies/pseuds/itwilleatyourbabies
Summary: Shea Coulee understand a lot of things, but she does not understand why her heart always does that flippy-floppy thing when she's around Sasha VelourorThat really cliche Sashea fic that you hopefully wanted, both lesbians, not mention of their current relationships





	Is this what it feels like to be "Alive" and Other Questions to ask when Falling in Love

**Author's Note:**

> Welp, here you go, I tried a new style with this one and even though it's a little crusty at points, it's def a style I would like to continue working with in the future. I'm in love with Sasha and Shea and honestly I ship their drag characters as lesbians, Sasha is a painter and Shea is a dancer and they fall in love (kinda) Also published on ArtificalQueens under name "panic"

Shea Coulee could not breathe. The breath she had was shallow and caught in her throat as she glanced across the gallery and caught the eyes of Sasha Velour, and in that 

L

O

U 

D

Brooklyn gallery, it felt as though it was only the two of them, blood pounding in her ears, the ferociously bright colors of the portraits around her seemed to dim, she cannot avert her eyes away from the artist, all toothy smiles and bright eyes, she looks as delicate as the roses Shea used to admire in her Mother’s garden, f-r-a-g-i-l-e until you touch them, then they are all sharp edges and pricked fingers. Sasha Velour was all paint stained body and idea stained mind, Shea’s heart felt as though it was bursting, and all she could do was think “Is this what it feels like to be alive?” 

_ In the hands of those _

Another hand is already 

S

     N

          A

               K

                    E

                         D

Around her waist- does that make her off limits? Does the heart care about the warmth of the body she is already embracing? Shea can only picture herself in that other girl’s place, when Sasha makes eye contact, Shea blushes but cannot bring herself to turn away, the strength in her gaze holds to much to break this time. This time, Shea pretends not to noticed when Sasha’s girlfriend tightens her hold on Sasha’s waist and leads her away. This time, Shea does not notice the momentary loose of *c*o*n*s*t*e*l*l*a*t*i*o*n*s* in Sasha’s eyes. This time, Shea hears Sasha gush about the next piece of art hanging on the walls, it feels like she is speaking directly to Shea, whispering in her ear like it’s their own secret.  This time, Shea pretends not to notice that Sasha is speaking to an entire room engulfed in her warmth. This time, Shea pretends that she is not thinking “how can I be so  **fucking** mesmerized by her?” 

_ Who had no intention of keeping her  _

The breakup is quiet. Or; at least, that’s how Shea imagines it, full of sad glances and mumbled “I’m sorry’s” Sasha has always told her that life is too short to be tepid, but her reaction is surprisingly lukewarm. They are in a coffee shop with Sasha tells her, the morning resembling a water-color painting that Shea has seen in Sasha’ studio, Shea tells her that it looks like her, all bright and confusing and ((different)), Sasha lightly stabs her with the paintbrush in her hand, “shut up.” She’s blushing. When Shea blinks, she’s back in that coffee shop, Sasha is quiet across from her, eyes glittering with stories she hasn’t shared, ideas she hasn’t painted, and tears she hasn’t sheed. Shea is mesmerized by her face, her ability to let go and feel so deeply, she picks up one hand and her heart skips a beat “I know you made the right decision, sure, it hurts like hell now, but you’re so strong- you’re going to be just fine, I know it.” She tries to ignore how Sasha’s smile brings back that fire in her belly, how her mind is whispering for her to take the older one  into her arms and hold her until everything feels alright again. Shea lets her mind wander and she can’t help but think, “Why does she make me feel this way?” 

_ You are the faint line _

Shea loves Sasha’s studio. It smelt like fresh coffee and burnt pancakes,  filled to the brim  with bright artwork and Shea can’t help but to think how much this room is uni

         que

          ly 

Sasha. She also can’t help but think how much she wishes she could walk up to the painting girl, not focussing, just making wide strokes across a once stark white canvas, and wrap her arms around her waist, staying close to her, watching her create. The scene can’t help but to make Shea remember the day that Sasha Velour entered her life.

~*~ Shea trudged off stage as the curtain closed, she sighed heavily as the applause from the other side s l o w  e    d and then stopped. Pushing sweaty hair off her face, Shea eventually exits the venue. She is shocked to see one girl still sitting into audience. Shea approaches her, and finds the girl with a sketchbook open. “Excuse me?” She said. The girl in front of her jumped, almost throwing her sketchbook in the air. The blonde glances around frantically, bushy blonde hair flying everywhere. “Oh god!” She jumped to her feet, “I’m so sorry, I totally lost track of time.” As she  began to pack up her stuff, Shea felt her mouth say words she never planned, “It’s totally alright,” She spoke, voice small, “it’s way too easy to get carried away in art.” They laugh. It feels right. “I’m Sasha,” the artist speaks, “Shea.” She replies. Sasha leaves in a hurry, but Shea can’t help but stop herself from thinking about the girl she ran into one night after a show, she can’t help but ask herself, “How can somebody I’ve never met feel so familiar?” ~*~

_ Between faith _

Snapping back to reality. Shea takes another moment to admire Sasha from the entrance. Watching her work was so entrancing, it was impossible for Shea to look away. “Sasha?” She whispered. She knew the other girl would hear her. Sasha turned around, no longer spooked by the familiarity that came with Shea and her voice. “Have I spent too long?” Sasha asked, concerned. Shea shook her head, “No, but I figured if I didn’t check up on you ten minutes early, we’d never make it to lunch before the lunch rush.” Sasha laughed, and  _ g od _ ,  Shea could hear that sound all day. Listening the Sasha laugh felt like coming home after a long day and unclasping your bra, it felt like ice skating in the winter and falling over because you don’t really know how to ice skate, but you love the way the snow feels on your face. Sasha felt like safety and risks all at the same time, she felt like everything Shea had ever wanted the world to be, Sasha felt like all the make believe stories about falling in love were real and true. And if this what being in love felt like, then Shea finally understood what it meant to be so fucking in love with another human being. As Sasha grabbed her coat, Shea’s mind questioned, “Then why don’t you say something?” 

_ And blindly waiting  _

The cafe they choose is pretty loud. Usually the noise of the city is perfect for Shea, she loves the way the world seems to shout around her, so full of life and constantly growing. But this time, the world is too l//o//u//d for Shea to speak, the words she so desperately wants to make her mouth say are caught and she cannot speak at all, she is choking on the confession it has taken her too long to make, years of little white lies are stretching themselves across her throat like spider webs, she has to many things to say and the world is too loud, to impersonal, to pointed for her to say them, what she wishes for his the quiet of her mother’s garden again, she yearns to be surrounded by roses again.  

“What’s wrong?” Sasha echos through her ears. And for a moment, Shea forgets to speak, she doesn’t know what to say and the moment is all too wrong and this isn’t the time nor the place but the words are bubbling out of Shea before she can stop them.

“ I think I might be in love with you?” 

…

Shea doesn’t know what else to say 

…

Sasha is quiet 

…

“Oh.” 

… 

It feels like Shea’s heart is breaking 

…

Her feet are carrying her out the door

… 

Sasha might be yelling for her to come back

But

She can’t tell what’s real anymore 

_ “What am I too you?” She asks  _

Shea doesn’t know what time it is, or how many drinks she’s had, or why there’s a very teary eyed Sasha Velour at her doorstep. But she lets the girl in without out question. They are sitting on the sofa facing each other when Sasha asks again “What am I too you?” 

_ She put her hands in her lap  _

Shea is staring directly at Sasha, and for the first time since they met, is at a complete loss of words, all she can do is stare directly ahead and hope that her heart takes over her voice again, like it has before, and whispers exactly what she wants //needs// to say/ 

_ And whispers _

Shea reminds herself to speak, to not fuck up the one chance she has to keep Sasha Velour in her life, regardless of what the consequences may actually be. 

_ You are every hope _

_ I’ve ever had  _

_ In human form. _

Shea could not tell you who kissed who first. But she could tell you all about the the fireworks she felt when their lips were connected. She wrapped her arms around Sasha’s waist, determined to hold on as long as she possible could. 

… 

If this is what it feels like to be alive 

Then Shea never wants to die 

.... 


End file.
